Nice to Meet You: Epilogue

It has been an absolute trial, this third one, for so many reasons. In the first place, we heard a heartbeat – three times. We had pictures of a little white glob. We even saw his facial features (it was a boy). We told people; making happy plans about grandma visiting from Georgia. And we got married, planting a tree on our 5-acre property to signify the growth of our relationship and the growth of our family. There had been a lot of hope and love surrounding this last pregnancy and within the space of a few hours, it was snuffed out completely.

We were able to find resolution to the cause of the third miscarriage after a farcical series of missteps. As it turns out, my 13-week-old boy fetus was not sitting close to my cervix and removed by the emergency room doctor, but had most likely fallen into the toilet in that moment when I felt a larger mass of something come sliding out.

Fortunately, I am on the pro-choice side of the spectrum when it comes to conceptualizing human life. This was a fetus still - not a baby boy (though I seem to waver back and forth between calling all three of my "stars in the sky" "baby" and "fetus"). The fetus was a precursor of sorts - not yet mine, still belonging to the forces of biology and natural selection. Even still, the thought that the fetus (whose arms I saw moving and facial features I glimpsed briefly on the ultrasound) was flushed down the toilet like a dead fish is absolutely horrifying. I don't know how we didn't see it in the toilet when we looked; mercifully we didn't/unfortunately we didn't.

Luckily the doctor did retrieve other products of conception and despite placing these POC's in a preserving formalin solution which can render the tissue useless for any chromosomal tests, a karyotype was able to be performed and the diagnosis of triploidy was established.*

If you don't feel like clicking over to read about triploidy, here's my summation:

• the fetus has a full set of extra chromosomes so that instead of 46 chromosomes, it has 69
• triploidy is inconsistent with life
• triploidy is a random genetic mishap that is NOT a factor of age (unlike Downs and other trisomies). 19-year-olds can get it as often as 39 -year-olds
• there is no greater-than-average statistical likelihood that this will happen a second time
• triploidy is typically an error in cell division of the egg, not the sperm

We were very lucky to have gotten this last piece of the puzzle. Knowing the cause certainly puts your mind at ease (not because I thought it was my fault; I actually don’t suffer that kind of guilt). This baby was going to die eventually - and definitely better that it occurred sooner than later. And it's an important diagnosis in terms of identifying potential areas of concern vs. things we can rule out.

With this diagnosis, I was able to tackle the intimidating field of advisable tests, doctors' opinions and the overall issue of whether to TTC again with more clarity and confidence. Below this post, I will provide a dry accounting of the tests I've taken and the results so far. With that, I will have revealed my back story to you all, and from here on out, you move forward with me in real-time as my husband and I try to decide what the hell to do next.

Remember when, after my first miscarriage, I basically double-dog-dared the Universe by claiming that the maximum number of losses I would tolerate would be three? Well, I think I also believed that, after a third miscarriage (impossible), I would bow out of the fight gracefully and reasonably.

I know, I know. Silly girl.

I just keep falling in hope . . . again and again and again … and again.

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* So everyone out there reading, if you find yourself in this unexpected position, be very, very clear with whoever is rummaging around in your uterus that you want to know what exactly they took out and what exactly you'd like done with those tissues - because they sure don't ask.


TESTS
anticardiolipin = normal range of 9.4
Factor V Leiden = negative
Prothrombin Mut = negative
Proteins C and S = normal
Lupus Ant = negative
Karyotype on me = normal
Hysterosalpingogram= normal
No tests on husband. We conceive every time we try.