Thanks everyone. I guess I actually DO feel better after receiving y'alls thoughtful responses and encouragement. I feel complete after having shared the story, and now I will try not to dwell on my ill will. I will admit that every time one of you indicated your disgust for her behavior, I felt a warm fuzzy glow inside. She's not such hot shit after all.
Sharing the story clearly doesn't change how I feel about her and the pain is still there. But I do feel like I have taken a little of my power back by standing up for my hurt and indignation. Perhaps she didn't intend to hurt me, but goddammit she did! And I have to stand up for my belief that she - unlike other friends who might not be able to parse the finer points of IF etiquette because they have no previous context for it - has almost no excuse.
One thing in her defense - I really really nailed the "I'm so happy for you" act. It was an act, and I was fully aware of it at the time. But there was no way to express the complexity of my feelings after having been ambushed like that. So I stuck a smile on my face and was peeerfectly charming. For that reason, I suppose that I bear some responsibility for being included on her U/S email list. But I made a firm decision that I was not going to playact any longer at my expense. So I did not email her back any response. And I think that sent a pretty clear (and yes, passive-aggressive) message that that was not gonna fly. I know she knows the sex by now, and I don't - so mission accomplished.
In sum, there seems to be no better place, except perhaps for a therapists office, to unload your demons than an anonymous blog. And I guess that's what we are all here to do.
About Me
- Melanie
- A city in the South
- Damn. I changed my template and lost my info. Now I have to "describe" myself again. This is the worst. Allright ...let's see. I'm a graphic designer. I have a husband I married in April 2010 and 2 dogs - enormous black labs. I live in a rural area and have a 40 minute commute 2x/day. I don't like to cook but I wish I did. I have dual citizenship. I have discovered a love for wine which I can't enjoy now. I have never had my own office. I have a great big sweet tooth. I get anxious before going to my book club and before throwing a party. I like to read. I used to bite my nails, now I grind my teeth (don't worry I have a mouth gaurd). I am a very impatient driver. I have a brother and a sister and my parents are still married. I am 37 years old. Good enough? OOPS - I almost forgot. . . I'm a recurrent spontaneous aborter.
3 comments:
Hells yeah, you have to stand up for your belief that she should do better by you! And I totally get the extent to which we can fake our happy responses. We just go to some other place and put on a remarkably convincing act, even as we're dying inside. Also, I think sometimes when you have to choose between ignoring someone and explaining to her why you don't want to know about her baby, ignoring is the better option, and not passive--aggressive at all. Also, I love your ultrasound ticker. It really highlights the agony of the passing seconds.
it took one of my close friends 2 yrs to get pregnant. with clomid. toward the end of that time frame, she knew dh and i were having trouble and referred us to her RE. once she did get her BFP, she walked on egg shells around me and was VERY considerate of my feelings. she told me before others, bc she didn't want me to hear it through the grapevine, and she also made a point (bc we work together) to not complain or talk about her pregnancy in my presence. for 6 months she did this and i know she didn't have the easiest pregnancy, but she had my feelings foremost in her mind. when it came down to her baby shower coming up, she flat out told me that there would be so many pregnant girls there, that she'd 200% understand if i didn't come and encouraged me not to. for MY sake. THAT's how a true friend should act, in my opinion and i still want to kick ur friends' bootay. i never once had to see an u/s picture bc that would've been too much. i'm soooo glad you ignored her email with the picture. silence says more in this case. and i hope she's ASHAMED of herself ... big hugs to you :o)
Glad you're feeling more empowered in this whole mess of a situation with your friend. It does feel good to post these things on the blog where others get it, doesn't it?
Good luck working through things with her. In the mean time, it sounds like a bit of distance is what you are looking for.
Post a Comment