Dream Team

I have discovered that I have a really short cycle. I thought it was around 25 days, but the past three months indicate a 24-day cycle. Basically, that means that I am popping out an egg no more than 2-3 days after finishing my period. That’s awfully fast, no? Do you think that could have any ramifications on egg quality? Perhaps they are not given enough time to mature? Anyone know anything about that?

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I am looking for a new OBGYN today in anticipation of my fourth pregnancy. I was reading B’s blog  which provided an excellent reminder that I needed to pay attention to the things I can control – i.e. my support system and the way I take care of myself.

For my first pregnancy, I chose an obgyn group that my friend had used that was fairly progressive for the area of the country in which I live. My friend* is a hyper-granola type and her approach to pregnancy and childbirth extended to considering options that border on the cannibalistic – she actually considered eating the placenta.

She didn’t; the clinic is not that progressive and a mutual friend of ours (who is a nurse) strongly recommended that she KEEP THAT TO HERSELF. To each her own - but gross. Why don’t you throw in Daddy's nail clippings, Auntie's menstrual blood, fry it all up together and stick a candle on it for the kid’s first birthday. Sorry if you plan on doing this, but I stand by my opinion which is, “DISGUSTING! and WTF!”

Anyway … I used this clinic because I thought that the use of a midwife would be more my speed than a doctor. I respond well to the type of TLC I imagined a midwife could provide, so I phoned them up and got an appt. The blighted ovum diagnosis followed fairly quickly and they induced miscarriage.

I had no problem with the treatment I received at that clinic. But due to the fallout from that pregnancy  and upon the recommendation of my psychiatrist, I decided to find an M.D. in whom I could lay my exclusive trust. Having no other close friends who had had children, I asked around and got a referral for my next Dr. based on rave reviews from colleagues of my nurse friend. I can only assume that each of their pregnancies went off without a hitch because his bedside manner in the case of my miscarriages was not comforting. Competent, yes. Kind, yes. Comforting, no.

He did his job – and he probably even did his job well – but I needed to feel like he was on my team, that we were going to figure it out, that he was going to help me beat it. But I never got the feeling that he was really invested in my case - even in a clinical way. He did his job.

For my third pregnancy, I was ... a mess. I needed the kind of TLC you can't get from blood tests and ultrasounds - I needed an medical expert who wasn't going to stand to lose. So when I asked him, after he telephoned me with the news that my HCG's had doubled properly, what he advised that I do, and he said, "Just be pregnant," I was properly underwhelmed.

So I decided to switch back to the midwife clinic which was another mistake - again not for lack of proper care - but it just was not the right kind of care for someone with my issues. Of course, if the pregnancy had gone smoothly, then I'm sure I would have loved them all. But as it was, I saw three different midwives in 2 clinics over the course of 13 weeks. When I miscarried, there was no one doctor or midwife who was exclusively familiar with my case and the midwives were not able to order tests and write prescriptions. It was a merry-go-round of hearsay and it spun way out of control there for a while.

So now, with my reproductive medical records spread thinly across town, I need to find ONE doctor who will fight with my husband and I. Someone who will provide that all important TLC without making me feel like a hysterical irritation.

My possible new doctor has his audition on Tuesday.

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* that should actually read former-friend. She’s no longer a friend because she’s one of those fair-weather friends that show their true colors when the shit hits the fan. Point in fact: I had my first miscarriage a couple of months after her son was born, and she inexplicably faded out of my life with all of the awkwardness and discomfort that avoidance (on her part) brings. She’d be just the type to break up with you in a text message. She is literally the worst friend I ever had.