CD12. I’ve been mashing my left boob a lot. I never knew that mashing boobs –over and over and over – was such a universal litmus test for verifying that you might be/are/still remain/are no longer pregnant. Until I started reading blogs, I thought I was the only pregnant woman obsessed with touching herself all day long. I am so glad to find out that you all are out there too, squashing and kneading your bosoms when (hopefully) no one is looking. Specifically, my left boob is definitely sore – and my boobs are never sore unless I’m pregnant.
Given the above–referenced significant results of the medically-sophisticated boob-gauge test, I think we may get a BFP this month. Since we have decided that this is our last time to try, I have startling moments in which I realize that my life is barreling towards huge change. The “C” word.
Either way, I’m in for some intense anxiety and a substantial shift in my identity, worldview, priorities, finances, and goals. I will no longer be TTC or thinking about motherhood at some future date. I will be either camped out definitively in the motherhood camp or in the non-motherhood? womanhood? childless? (help me ginger and lime) camp. Either way, the next few weeks and months are going to rock my world.
It is so scary that I am actually not feeling much anxiety at all which means that I am doing a very good job of burying my anxiety way deep down in the darkest parts of my brain where I have to put those thoughts and memories that can do some real damage if I let them free. This is the place for real-life monsters - Unspeakable Horrible Things That Can Actually Happen.
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The picture above is a screen shot from my iphone app "imenses." Someone needs to make an iphone app called iWantSomeAnswers or iWantToMakeAllPregnantWomenInvisible. After last month's miss, I decided to track things more carefully. I paid $1.99 for it and I'm sure it's worth exactly that. But it gives me busy work vis a vis TTC and aren't the graphics pretty? I also provided a handy key at the bottom for you all to reference - cause you know you want to know which days I had sex.
1 comment:
Me, too! Me, too! I didn't think anyone else did it either, until now. Then again, I don't ask many people if they squish their boobs as a crude kind of pregnancy test...
Fingers/toes crossed for you.
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